Hermes: The Baby Who Outsmarted the Gods

 

Hermes: The Adventures of a Newborn God

Some babies take their first steps at ten months. Others say their first words by a year. Hermes?

He was crafting musical instruments, stealing livestock, and scheming his way into Olympus on day one.

From the moment he escaped his cradle, Hermes proved he wasn’t just any divine infant.

Born in a cave on Mount Cyllene to Maia one of the Pleiades — the seven sisters who adorn the night sky—and Zeus , king of the gods,

Hermes wasted no time embracing his role as the god of wit, speed, and—let’s call it—creative solutions.

His life motto? Why wait for the world to hand you something when you can simply outsmart it?

The Great Cattle Heist

On that fateful first day, Hermes stumbled upon a turtle. Now, most infants might coo at it, but Hermes saw

potential. With a little ingenuity (and questionable morality), he fashioned the first lyre,

a musical creation that would set the tone for his clever and inventive nature.

But this was merely his warm-up act. Hermes, determined to prove himself,

set his sights high: his radiant, golden-haired half-brother, Apollo.

Why steal from some random shepherd when you could challenge the god of prophecy himself?

So, under the cover of night, Hermes snuck into Apollo’s pastures and swiped 50 prized cattle.

And because Hermes was never one to leave evidence behind, he reversed the cows’ hooves,

making it appear as if they had walked in the opposite direction. 

He drove them to a nearby cave near his mother’s dwelling, where he hid the cattle carefully. 

Then, because being mischievous is hungry work, Hermes sacrificed two of the cows to the gods —

an act said to be the first sacrifice ever made to the Olympians.

Naturally, he didn’t let the best parts go to waste: he feasted on the finest cuts himself

- after all, he was destined to join them anyway - and saved the horns and entrails to perfect his lyre.

Feeling weary from his cunning exploits, he returned to his mother’s cave and, before the day could break,

slipped back into his cradle and fell fast asleep.

The next morning, Apollo, god of foresight, noticed his missing cattle and began to investigate.

But when he found nothing but backward hoofprints and confusion, one can only imagine him scratching

his head in frustration while baby Hermes, smirked innocently in his sleep.

Of course, Apollo was no fool. Despite Hermes’ efforts, the sun god tracked him down to his cave.

And there lay Hermes -back in his cradle, wrapped like an innocent newborn.

When accused, Hermes delivered what we might call history’s first masterclass in bluffing.

“Who, me? I’m just a baby! I don’t even know what a cow is.”

Nice try, Hermes.

Justice on Olympus

Apollo wasn’t buying it and dragged the infant troublemaker to Olympus for judgment.

Zeus, amused by his cunning son’s antics, demanded honesty.

Hermes, seeing the game was up, offered Apollo the one thing that could soothe his anger: the lyre.

The moment Apollo plucked its strings, his fury dissolved into admiration.

Music, it seems, has a way of melting even a sun god’s ego.

Impressed, Apollo forgave Hermes and, in return, gifted him the caduceus —a staff entwined with two serpents

that would become Hermes’ iconic symbol. From that moment on, Hermes was not just the cheeky infant god.

He became the divine messenger, tasked with bridging Olympus, Earth, and the Underworld.

The Eternal Trickster

Unlike his armored and battle - ready sister Athena - who literally sprang out of Zeus’ head

with no childhood to speak of—Hermes retained his youthful, mischievous spirit.

Where Athena represented wisdom, Hermes embodied cleverness and quick thinking, qualities that resonate

across all ages. He became the patron of merchants, travelers, athletes, and yes - thieves,

because who better to protect them than the god who pulled off the greatest heist in Olympus history?

He was also deeply beloved by mortals. Hermes wasn’t distant or untouchable like some gods; he felt close, like that mischievous friend you always forgive no matter how much trouble they stir.

A God Born Ready

Hermes reminds us that greatness doesn’t always come with seriousness or solemnity. Sometimes, it comes with a sly grin, a quick wit, and the willingness to flip the rules—sometimes quite literally (looking at you, backwards cattle).

And while Hermes schemed his way into the gods’ good graces, his story is a nod to humanity’s love for ingenuity. After all, who wouldn’t root for the underdog baby who dared to challenge the radiant Apollo and still managed to charm his way into Olympus?

So, next time you’re late for a flight, lock yourself out, or try to bluff your way out of trouble—Hermes, god of messengers, thieves, and cunning thinkers, might just be watching with a smirk.

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Oh, and if you think Hermes was impressive, let’s not forget Artemis. She helped her mother deliver her twin brother, Apollo, just moments after she was born. The gods don’t do “ordinary.”